Islam, Marriage and Family Life

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,
This is the next class Sana and I attended, however we got there late and ended up missing much of it. On a side note, everyone should spend some time with a new mother, preferably of a second child, to get a deeper understanding of why Allah swt has given the mother the status that He has! Anyhoo, here goes...(keep in mind these are my notes and may Allah swt forgive me for anything I wrongly attribute to the teacher)

Sunday, June 15 2006 -- 4:40pm
Class: Islam, Marriage and Family Life
Teacher: Imam Zaid Shakir

He had just finished going over the benefits of marriage. The next thing he covered were the various rulings regarding marriage:-
-It is sunnah and hence highly desirable. If one desires but can't afford it then it's better for them to wait until Allah swt blesses them with the means. It is makroo for one who doesn't desire it and doesn't have the means. It's wajib upon one who fears fornication etc. if he/she doesn't marry and has the means to get married. It is haram upon one who knows for a fact that they will oppress or abuse their spouse. Also, one who is preoccupied with devotion and study and doesn't feel the need for it, doesn't need to marry.

There were various different types of marriages that the Jahili Arabs used to engage in, and which were all declared haram upon the Muslims. These include:
1. Nikah al khidn -- secret, temporary marriage
2. Nikah al muta -- temporary marriage -- this continued into Islam but was outlawed because the niyyah of marriage is 'forever' and hence 'temporary marriage' is a self-contradictory statement and concept.
3. Nikah un badn -- temporary exchange of spouses.
4. Group marriage
5. etc. etc. there were others I stopped writing down. But basically any and all such things are forbidden!

Then at the end of this class Imam Zaid goes over one of the aphorisms of ibn Ata'illah as it pertains to family and marriage life. He started with the first one that goes something like this...
From the signs that a person is relying on his/her actions and not on Allah swt's Mercy is a loss of hope when a slip or error occurs.
He said that the essence of this is knowing that both you and your actions are from Allah swt. When you slip, you know that that is from Allah swt and there is Wisdom behind it. This is moreso for one who is at the end of the path ('arif) though. For those at the beginning of the path (salik), this doesn't necessarily apply because a loss of hope is needed to move them to action. As a family member, we have to realize this and we have to live for Allah swt and not for each other, so that when you slip you don't lose hope. We have to realize that we are not going to be the perfect spouse, sibling, child etc., we will slip but we can strive for perfection! Realizing this will also help you know that your spouse is also not perfect. This understanding of imperfection then allows for there to be a common base between you two to then work from.
[I think this is especially true for newly married couples as they will often, without realizing it, enter a marriage with certain expectations of each other and then be startled by some of their spouse's actions causing them to perhaps even feel low/disappointed. But instead trust in Allah swt's Mercy, know that both you and your spouse's actions are also from Allah swt, and focus on your common base of imperfection and the immense need this creates to struggle to help each other draw closer to Him 'azza wa jal. Great reminder for myself too!].

Then there was Q&A so we left...we had left the babies home with Tariq!